Once again I am writing a letter to all parents. In my last letter I addressed them letting them know how aware we are of all they have done for us and how grateful we are for all of it. Most importantly though that last letter was an exclamation of our love for them and a sweet reminder that we know. Summed up in : We love you and we know.This letter takes on a very different tone but I think it will be easily misunderstood as a : We hate you and you are doing everything wrong and we are ungrateful, which is why I started with the other letter first and advise you to go back and read that post before reading this one, if you have not already. I want it to be made clear that this is not the intention of this post at all. The point of this post is to help parents understand the minds of their children through the eye of someone who ought to know, a child.While, as in the past post, there was a bit of humor used it was humor with a point.Nothing in this post is supposed to be taken as a revolt against parenthood or the authority of a parent over a child but rather a guide that in all honest really would help a child and a parent get along better. Most of it is really really simple… And I will get into that later. To sum it up though it is : Simple Psychology.
Simple Psychology: 1. You can not know your kids.
The more you think you do, the less your probably actually do.
This does not mean be nosy to try and know us. And Please !Please ,whatever you do ,never try and relate to us. Your just embarrassing yourself and you cannot pull of those pants, and I never want to hear you sing that song again, I don’t even like that music.
This also does not mean try and shape us into someone you can understand.
This does not mean don’t listen to us.
This does not mean be overly open and let us slide into dangerous situations like a house on fire or greed.
All this means is you cannot ever know us, and frankly we never 100% will know us either but life is a journey, we can’t get to the end if we are constantly being held back. Let us roam. Let us find us. Let us be us. And let us love us.You don’t even have to agree with us or like the fact that we shop at CVS instead of Walgreen’s.Maybe you really hate floral tablecloths and we collect them for a hobby, weird, but just deal with it. That is who we are. We like to collect floral tablecloths and buy Q-tips at CVS. All you go to do is respect that and let us love those odd things about our-self.
Simple Psychology: 2. We do not need to be yelled at.
Tell us what we need to do once in a normal voice and we will get to it when we can.
This does not mean tell us nicely and then when its not done ten minutes later yell at us.
This does not mean say it will never get done is you don’t remind us. If you always remind us and never not remind us, you have no way of saying that and therefor can’t even make that statement without automatically being an assuming hypocrite.
TRUST ME! UNLESS YOU ARE TELLING US TO LICK THE FLOOR CLEAN OR SORT ALMONDS BY THEIR SIZE, IT WILL GET DONE! IT WILL. Maybe once we finished our Math homework, but it will get done. Maybe we are in the middle of our daily meditation and already plan to take out the trash without being asked right after it. Will the trash suddenly grow razor sharp arms and give you a deadly hug? If that happens then yes removing it would be wise but do you really want your child risking their lives to remove the trash? It can wait until we have the time. Kind of like when we ask you to help us with our math homework right when you are cooking dinner or fixing the car and you tell us not now. I don’t think many children old enough to reason well would sit there and say ” If your not helping me with my math homework in the next ten minutes, then that is it. No more going to work. You are not allowed to leave this house.” Most children, would wait till you were done and came to help us with our homework. Also, we notice that sometimes when we need help and your are busy ,you are really just watching a football game or the Bachelor. Yeah, we know. And we know it is tough because the guy never chooses the right girl and your favorite team is falling behind but we still wait without screaming at you like if it doesn’t happen that minute the world will end. If for some reason the chore you want us to do will cause the end of the world in the next minute and we seem not to care, then would you not just do it yourself? Since you haven’t ,I take it ,after all the world will not end because of it. SO It can wait until I am done organizing my floral tablecloth collection.
Simple Psychology 3.Stop Bringing up your past.
We still love you. So top telling us about when you were younger how you loved your parents and never disobeyed them. We know that is a lie. You never took out the trash when you were told, because you had your own collections to tend to. Don’t even play that card. It is like playing an ace in Uno, it will not help you, it doesn’t make any sense at all, and it isn’t even Spanish.
Simple Psychology : 4. We are not against your authority completely.
We know that you are our parents.
Why must you remind us?
We know you have authority? And no despite popular belief it is not about us wanting to shake off all authority or disobey you. We do not just want to argue. Yeah nothing is more fun then yelling at someone you can’t win at argument with because they gave birth to you and are stubborn, and then having to sit in your room for an hour. Except the room for an hour part… we like that, its called privacy and alone time: And we need it.So no , we don’t just argue because it is fun… BECAUSE IT ISN’T IF YOU HAVE NO DETECTED THAT ALREADY.
We do respect that you have authority? We are not trying to tell you not to exercise it? We just want to you to smart and realize we are smart. We just want you to actually have us get along with you and realize when we tell you how to do that, we aren’t just making things up. Like if we say okay just don’t yell ,that is not some secret plan for us to be in control. If you decided to be like ” Oh if I don’t yell then I am doing what she says and then I am listening to my kid, that can’t happen so RWAAAA RAAAA RARRRAAA.” Then you are really blind. Why would we tell you things that wouldn’t make us get along better. Who sits down and is like , ” I will tell this person what to do so that we get along worse, good idea, that will solve all of my problems.” trust me no one does that. We want to get alone with you just as much as you do with us.
Simple Psychology: 5. No Blackmail
Now I am sure not all parents really take this to that high of a level but many also do. It is one thing to tell your child that there are boundaries. It is perfectly acceptable to warn that if they don’t start listening to you better then they won’y be able to hang out with friends as often. Sometimes we a child is extremely disobedient that is necessary. I think ,however, that is is so easy for this to cross a line into blackmail. It is easy to want to pull that card for any and everything. Today Bobby did not fold his laundry, well I just tell Bobby that if he doesn’t fold his laundry then he cannot use his phone for a month. Maybe you were never actually considering banning Bobby from his phone, but he doesn’t need to know that.The problem with using this method of parenting to often becomes you use it to openly and a.) we just don’t care anymore weather we lose stuff or not so it no longer works or b.) we really do begin to lose respect for you because you can’t treat us like people but rather result to blackmail and other control tactics.
Sincerely, Your kids
Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
-Wishing you the most harmonious of days, Eva
” Me and the pen,we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”