I survived Junior year.I made it through another long, and complicated leg of my life and I came out of it weak and tired and just ready to sleep for an entire week, yet I also came out of it glad that I was brave enough to be myself through it all. I am glad that I put up with everyone else disagreeing with me and telling me I was wrong because I either believed them and found out I had something beautiful to learn there or I was solidified further in my own beliefs. Whichever it was I am glad that I went into it with an open mind and an open heart and that I was not trying to be anything but rather just be and what I was and what I am now because of what I was is a more peaceful person with a great hankering for learning and more admiration, love and respect for my peers.In other words ,suffering through all of those math problems and wondering if I would ever understand how to solve that physic problem with momentum ,somehow made me a more compassionate person and I was able to find a deeper love for my own being.This year, in general was a big year for my own spiritual growth… and I began to understand in a deeper level the things I had always believed. I also became braver in speaking about it in the face of being the oddball out at my school.When I began junior year many people still were under the impression that I was either secretly really religious or that I had no moral compass at all and quietly was plotting the destruction of this entire world. I have never really felt comfortable trying to explain to a mass of people that I don’t really think would understand me very easily. Yet, I have had many tiny conversations this year with an array of different people that have went relatively well and though I feel still greatly misunderstood and sometimes still judged I feel that I no longer need to hide the beauty of what I believe and that even if everyone disagrees with me, my spirituality is ultimately better for me and the way I treat others as well. Being an atheistic -spiritualists in a Christina based school is not an easy thing but this year I have come to step outside of that fear of being misunderstood and in doing so have set myself free. I think there were a lot of things that could have made this year 100 times as worse in an instant but I never let that happen. I let this be a wonderful year for me and I tried my best to absorb as much as life has to offer me. I really did enjoy it. I cannot express how grateful I am for it to be over though, because I felt like I was in a place that I had been wanting to get to forever yet eager to continue my journey forward. I am definitely terrified for senior year but also relived that I have made it there and that I will only have so much further to excel after that leg. Life is only just beginning and I am eager to taste all it has set before me.If junior year was only the salad, and the salad was wonderful, then surely whenever I get to the steak I will be overjoyed.
Though you may not be a shy, high school girl eager for what lies ahead, try and think about what leg of your life you are in currently; what it means to you; what finishing the previous leg of your life did for you ,and what lies ahead. Reflect on the meal before you and ask yourselves these questions either in prayer,meditation or just deep contemplative thought.
-Wishing you the most beautiful of days,Eva
” Me and the pen, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”