Continued from Brianna ( Part 2)
Back to school that year did not feel the same. There was no joy or excitement at finding new ways to irritate my teachers.There was only a constant pounding against the back of my mind and a chill around my heart.I must have stood in front of my locker for twenty minutes before I heard footsteps approaching.
” You alright, Brianna?” It was the principal doing his social duty.” I know our loss of Mr.Jones has been really hard on you.We lost a great man. Take it easy and if you need anything let us know.” He said it like he cared ; like he hadn’t wanted to expel Zack all along; like his life was not easier with Zack gone.Out loss, it was my loss ,not his!Mr.Jones,Zack hated to me referred to by his last name. Before I could stop myself I blurted out angrily,
“Don’t pretend to give a fuck about him. You never did and you never will so why don’t you leave us both alone.” I turned to walk away to class, not even knowing where class was: I had not even bothered to look at my schedule yet.
” Brianna, we do care. I understand the pain you are feeling. I will let you attitude slide for now but in the future remember we all hurt but we don’t have to hurt all because of it.“He left me to stare back at my locker for another twenty minutes, even after the bell rang and class began and notes were passed about who kissed who. I just stood –staring–and wondered how I would survive without Zack, his free steps, his long legs stretching out before him as he strode down the hallway and arm around me possessively.It was not till half way through American history that I looked at my schedule, grabbed the first notebook I saw and groggily edged into class.Mr.Bunter, in his monotone voice ,squawked , ” Pass!” When I nodded no, feeling the unsympathetic , gossip mouth eyes boring holes in me, he said, ” You need a pass next time BriANNA,” over annunciating the Anna part as if he was just learning to speak English.
Time passes even in the reflections of times past. When the bell rang, I shot out the door before he could pull me aside and ask me “how I was handling things.”The truth was I was very uneasy around those adults who yelled at Zack for playfully swatting my butt in the hallways and now acted as if I had been united to him in holy matrimony for years. I grew angry when people would pop up chanting the social chant of , “I am sorry for your loss.”Though I had gotten angry at the principal for referring the Zack as our loss , I now realised that was closer to the truth.Yet he was not our loss or my loss; Zack was the loss of the entire world and nobody seemed to grasp the genius–the intelligence–the promise of freedom in those green eyes.Nobody could see beauty when it was strolling in front of them with mud encrusted boots and a leather jacket.How blind can you all be? He was– He was– but I could not finish that sentence , even to myself. So ” He was–“, hung silently in the air, like earth in space–
— as I ran to the bathroom and wept.I did not stop, even when Samantha walked into reapply her face and glared at me whispering ” Why are you dressing so covered now?” I did not say anything. I did not stop crying. I just let me sorrow soak my clothes then I picked myself up and walked home.
To be continued…
Thanks as always for reading and sharing your thoughts with me in the comments. I have a particular question for you guys today. In the writing above I used this line ” remember we all hurt but we don’t have to hurt all because of it.”, givean the contexts and the feel of the story as a whole , do you think it is best as is or do you think this other version that I also wrote out is better: ” remember we all hurt but we don’t have to hurt.” OR this third version ” remember we all hurt but we don’t have to hurt others.” To be honest, I actually prefer the second one because it is saying that we all hurt but we don’t have to and also at the same time saying that we don’t have to hurt as in we do not have to hurt others. Yet, I ended up choosing the first because I felt it would be more readily understood. What are your thoughts? Thanks for letting me know.
-Wishing the brightest of day,Eva
” Me and the pen, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”