Posted in Poems

I never thought to tell you.

I never thought to tell you, did I,

how much I cared,

how much it hurt

to be

in your arms,

to be lifted and crushed beneath the weight of the stars.

 

I was paradox itself:

United—divided with you.

I was free—bound,

but a dream away from existence.

I was empty–

brimming with your words.

It was the holding on,

the grasping

that broke me– the wedge in between my joints

that pried and pulled me apart.

I grew so weary

cherishing every word you said

and for what?

To only convince myself that I loved you

or that you loved me?

Could either of us have known

the depth of hurt hearts healing.

To think that forever

really could be forever.

Not I, my sparrow, not I…

for what was written on your heart,

I can not know,

but as of mine,

feeble

and

starved…

I fooled you

or else, I played myself the fool.

 

I never thought to tell you

that I survived off of our memories,

dimly lit snapshots of held hands,

soft midnight words

crisp at the edges from fatigue,

and the freedom of opening myself to you–

exposed

 

honest

 

delicate

and

vulnerable.

 

Fragile thoughts,

porcelain feelings,

glass heart,

and the silk of my skin–

all that I surrendered

now scarred with the absence of your breath.

 

I never thought to tell you

that I was lost,

confused,

scared of being the very thing I despised.

 

Do we not all fear

what we fear

is what we are?

 

I never wanted to hurt you

but

I did.

I hurt you

by letting my hurt hurt.

 

You must fade,

it is known

even the most luminate stars must waste away into dust

and

I must live,

shifted,

altered…

alone

with only these marks,

from where you once burnt yourself into me,

to remind me

that I was young once

and I once knew what it meant breathe.

-Eva M.M.

” Me and the pen, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my  ink would cease to flow.”

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Author:

I am a young and enthusiastic writer, fresh out of highschool and into college at IUSB. I babysit and work and live life to it's fullest. I write. I read. I do yoga. And plan to become. Yoga intructers as well. I grew up on a farm and can't,t wait to move back to the country in my tiny house I have already planned out. Sometimes I'm a little melodramatic but rarely. I'm a spiritual healer, a hopeless romantic, a book worm, and very nostalgic. Thanks for stopping by.

3 thoughts on “I never thought to tell you.

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