Posted in life, Poems, thoughts

To :The men in my life.

I cried myself to sleep again

thinking of the men in my life.

How hollow it is

to grow together

only to grow apart.

I’ve hurt

from a million losses,

a continual death,

a punch to the gut

watching them go.

Like there is a bruise eternally at rest upon my heart

where the words I never said to them will decay.

I live in rot.

I live in the remains of my own fear.

for what can I say to those shades that pass before me,

the strong and brilliant minds that I thought would never leave.

What do I have now

but

silence and sorrow?

 

I called my father yesterday,

he was driving again.

Driving between worlds

as I was lost in my own.

I miss him,

infinitely,

it seems.

He is

and always will be

my guiding light.

 

I thought of them today, my brothers

and wondered

if they ever think of when we were younger

and free

and drunk on the notion of being invincible,

climbing and running and always arguing.

How sweet the melody of yelling seems to me now

when I sit,

alone in the agony of words extinguished once again.

 

And him,

because my heart cannot form the syllables and sounds

to say what each nerve in my body is weeping for.

I will lose you to,

won’t I?

I always lose the things I love.

And, after all,

I ought to have expected it,

shouldn’t I?

 

These emblems of my life.

Waver.

and

Fade

as I…

 

-Eva M.M.

 

 

 

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Author:

I am the author of 1withthepen.wordpress.com and am currently working on a book of poems. To find out more check out my about me page as well as my page about my blog and welcome to the ink angels community.

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