Posted in letters, life, philiosophy, Poems, thoughts

FTM

They say a lot of things

but they won’t say ‘He’.

I say,  “Ashes to ashes

dust to dust.

I will see you when I’m free.”

– Eva M.M.

Thanks for reading and stopping by. Hope you enjoyed this post and let me know if you have any comments or questions.

“Me and the pen, we are one. If it’s ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”

Posted in letters, life, Poems, thoughts

Words ( for Bri.)

Your words

covering mine,

vapor in the air.

Our love,

light between pale leaves,

translucent skin,

wilted roses pressed between pallid parchment.

In my eternal frost

I would give it all

just to feel the burn,

the scalding imprint of

you upon me

as I lay intertwined

in my safe haven,

my secret nook.

In your arms

I am beautiful.

– Eva M.M.

Thank you for reading and stopping by. Let me know your thoughts and any questions you have about me, this poem or 1withthepen in general.

“Me and the pen, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”

Posted in letters, life, Poems, thoughts

A letter to Spencer

We talked a lot about life.

How life is kind of a bitch

and how I thought you had grown to despise me

and love,

we talked about love,

teapots and paying the rent

because

Everything Has Changed.

We are not who we used to be,

young girls forced to live in World,

forced to grow up,

once a year learning we weren’t alone.

Everything Has Changed.

Now you are the young man that you always were

and I am the wilted flower I always will be

but we are still the same.

Somewhere in between breaths

and running across parking lots;

Somewhere between work, school and dreaming;

Somewhere between Worlds,

you and I  

lost track of

you and I;

I blinked and I told myself

Everything Had Changes

but nothing has my 2.a.m, milking parlor friend.

The truth is

all we have ever done

is grow

into growing

towards growing

into growing —

separately inseperble

and

P.s. you were right,

blood has nothing to do with it.
– Eva M.M.

Stay strong buddy. I love you.

Posted in letters, life, Poems, thoughts

the truth

I know you must go

but I can’t bring myself to let you.

I always cling to what I have

in hopes, I won’t die empty handed,

weak

weeping with the willows,

wilting with the roses,

rotting with the words I never spoke.

Dare I tell you

how much this pains me

to calculate the days

till you take flight?

It is bitter to me

the passing of a spark of warmth,

it was here, so close to you,

that I felt I had a place

to heal

myself

                     this world

                                              you.

You told me once

in the tap tap of cellphone keys

that I was honest,

vulnerable,

wise.

Have I ever been wise?

Have I ever known?

All I am is words,

delusions,

a composition of illusions.

If I am honest

why do I feel so translucent?

You told me to be bold,

to never stop being bold;

How can I be bold

when you are but a breath away

from me and my sorrow?

Falling apart

unraveling

unwinding

Have I lost my sanity?

The truth is you can’t go

because I don’t want you to

but

You must go because you need to.

Till we meet again, my sparrow.

-Eva M.M.

“Me and the pen, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”

Posted in letters, thoughts, Uncategorized

Dear Parents, Simple Psychology. ( Part 2)

Dear parents,

Once again I am writing a letter to all parents. In my last letter I addressed them letting them know how aware we are of all they have done for us and how grateful we are for all of it. Most importantly though that last letter was an exclamation of our love for them and a sweet reminder that we know. Summed up in : We love you and we know.This letter takes on a very different tone but I think it will be easily misunderstood as a : We hate you and you are doing everything wrong and we are ungrateful, which is why I started with the other letter first and advise you to go back and read that post before reading this one, if you have not already. I want it to be made clear that this is not the intention of this post at all. The point of this post is to help parents understand the minds of their children through the eye of someone who ought to know, a child.While, as in the past post, there was a bit of humor used it was humor with a point.Nothing in this post is supposed to be taken as a revolt against parenthood or the authority of a parent over a child but rather a guide that in all honest really would help a child and a parent get along better. Most of it is really really simple… And I will get into that later. To sum it up though it is : Simple Psychology.

 Simple Psychology:  1. You can not know your kids.

The more you think you do, the less your probably actually do.

This does not mean be nosy to try and know us. And Please !Please ,whatever you do ,never try and relate to us. Your just embarrassing yourself and you cannot pull of those pants, and I never want to hear you sing that song again, I don’t even like that music.

This also does not mean try and shape us into someone you can understand.

This does not mean don’t listen to us.

This does not mean be overly open and let us slide  into dangerous situations like a house on fire or greed.

All this means is you cannot ever know us, and frankly we never 100% will know us either but life is a journey, we can’t get to the end if we are constantly being held back. Let us roam. Let us find us. Let us be us. And let us love us.You don’t even have to agree with us or like the fact that we shop at CVS instead of Walgreen’s.Maybe you really hate floral tablecloths and we collect them for a hobby, weird, but just deal with it. That is who we are. We like to collect floral tablecloths and buy Q-tips at CVS. All you go to do is respect that and let us love those odd things about our-self.

Simple Psychology:  2. We do not need to be yelled at.

Tell  us what we need to do once in a normal voice and we will get to it when we can.

This does not mean tell us nicely and then when its not done ten minutes later yell at us.

This does not mean say it will  never get done is you don’t remind us. If you always remind us and never not remind  us, you have no way of saying that and therefor can’t even make that statement without automatically being an assuming hypocrite.

TRUST ME! UNLESS YOU ARE TELLING US TO LICK THE FLOOR CLEAN OR SORT ALMONDS BY THEIR SIZE, IT WILL GET DONE! IT WILL. Maybe once we finished our Math homework, but it will get done. Maybe we are in the middle of our daily meditation and already plan to take out the trash without being asked right after it. Will the trash suddenly grow razor sharp arms and give you a deadly hug? If that happens then yes removing it would be wise but do you really want your child risking their lives to remove the trash? It can wait until we have the time. Kind of like when we ask you to help us with our math homework right when you are cooking dinner or fixing the car and you tell us not now. I don’t think many children old enough to reason well would sit there and say ” If your not helping me with my math homework in the next ten minutes, then that is it. No more going to work. You are not allowed to leave this house.” Most children, would wait till you were done and came to help us with our homework. Also, we notice that sometimes when we need help and your  are busy ,you are really just watching a football game or the Bachelor. Yeah, we know. And we know it is tough because the guy never chooses the right girl and your favorite team is falling behind but we still wait without screaming at you like if it doesn’t happen that minute the world will end. If for some reason the chore you want us to do will cause the end of the world in the next minute and we seem not to care, then would you not just do it yourself? Since you haven’t ,I take it ,after all the world will not end because of it. SO It can wait until I am done organizing my floral tablecloth collection.

Simple Psychology 3.Stop Bringing up your past.

We still love you. So top telling us about when you were younger how you loved your parents and never  disobeyed them. We know that is a lie. You never took out the trash when you were told, because you had your own collections to tend to. Don’t even play that card. It is like playing an ace in Uno, it will not help you, it doesn’t make any sense at all, and it isn’t even Spanish.

Simple Psychology : 4. We are not against your authority completely.

We know that you are our parents.

Why must you remind us?

We know you have authority? And no despite popular belief it is not about us wanting to shake off all authority or disobey you. We do not just want to argue. Yeah nothing is more fun then yelling at someone you can’t win at argument with because they gave birth to you and are stubborn, and then having to sit in your room for an hour. Except the room for an hour part… we like that, its called privacy and alone time: And we need it.So no , we don’t just argue because it is fun… BECAUSE IT ISN’T IF YOU HAVE NO DETECTED THAT ALREADY.

We do respect that you have authority? We are not trying to tell you not to exercise it? We just want to you to smart and realize we are smart. We just want you to actually have us get along with you and realize when we tell you how to do that, we aren’t just making things up. Like if we say okay just don’t yell ,that is not some secret plan for us to be in control. If you decided to be like ” Oh if I don’t yell then I am doing what she says and then I am listening to my kid, that can’t happen so RWAAAA RAAAA RARRRAAA.” Then you are really blind. Why would we tell you things that wouldn’t make us get along better. Who sits down and is like , ” I will tell this person what to do so that we get along worse, good idea, that will solve all of my problems.” trust me no one does that. We want to get alone with you just as much as you do with us.

Simple Psychology: 5. No Blackmail

Now I am sure not all parents really take this to that high of a level but many also do. It is one thing to tell your child that there are boundaries. It is perfectly acceptable to warn that if they don’t start listening to you better then they won’y be able to hang out with friends as often. Sometimes we a child is extremely disobedient that is necessary. I think ,however, that is is so easy for this to cross a line into blackmail. It is easy to want to pull that card for any and everything. Today Bobby did not fold his laundry, well I just tell Bobby that if he doesn’t fold his laundry then he cannot use his phone for a month. Maybe you were never actually considering banning Bobby from his phone, but he doesn’t need to know that.The problem with using this method of parenting to often becomes you use it to openly and a.) we just don’t care anymore weather we lose stuff or not so it no longer works or b.) we really do begin to lose respect for you because you can’t treat us like people but rather result to blackmail and other control tactics.

Sincerely, Your kids

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

-Wishing you the most harmonious of days, Eva

” Me and the pen,we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”

 

 

 

Posted in letters, Uncategorized

Dear Parents,We love you and we know. ( Part 1)

This is not addressed to my parents, nor the parents of anyone I know. It is addressed to anyone that is or has ever been a parent, EVER. We kids love you. We really do.We even love you when we yell back at you and say that we do not. When we run away from home , most of the time, we realize we miss your cooking and are cold and we crawl home. Sometimes we never get to leave ,because as we try to sneak out with a loaf of bread and a peanut butter jar, we notice a family photo and change our minds.We actually do realize all you have done for us, despite what you believe that we don’t. We are aware that carrying a eight pound baby inside of you for nine months is  painful and that having to give up your man-cave to turn it into a nursery, is really irritating.We are aware the birth is very painful… . Us daughters out there won’t understand it until we become mothers someday, but we know that pushing something with a giant head out of a relatively small opening cannot be a peaceful thing. We are aware that we screamed and cried a lot for the first well– all of our lives– but mostly our first years. We are aware the two a.m was really not the opportune time for you to get up and rock us back to sleep or have to smell our really disgusting poop.We are aware the it wasn’t easy running home from a long day of work only to find more work to be done, work you wouldn’t get paid for. We are aware we cause a lot of stress and arguments between each-other as husband and wife. We are aware that marriage is not always easy already but add to that a bunch of children and things, naturally, are complicated further. We do realize that having to come pick us up at school because we vomited up the twelve cupcakes we ate the night before in kindergarten, was not really your plan of what you would do with your leave at work. We are not oblivious to the fact that you have fed us at least three meals a day since  we entered this world, mothers even before that through caring for themselves and nurturing us withing your womb. We do realize the having to wash three loads of laundry a day because we thought playing fish in a mud puddle was a good idea, is really a waste of water and your time. Fathers,though we may not have been aware at the time, we know now that when we throw a baseball at your crotch it really stings.We know that eating things we shouldn’t have really made you panic when we were younger… And we apologize for trying to drink the Elmer’s glue to wash down the crayons and unidentifiable blob we ate. We really are sorry for making poison control be on speed dial.We realize that keeping a child alive is a extreme responsibility, and especially if we were your first and/or only child, how nerve wracking that must of been for you. We realize we embarrassed you so many times in public that if you had a penny for every time you would be billionaires.We know that we are stubborn and head strong about the most pointless of things sometimes. We know that when we get bad grades your worried you might be stuck with us forever(Just kidding, though I don’t doubt many parents worry about that sometimes.)We know that we get really moody when we hit puberty, and you wonder where your sweet little children went. We are aware that you just want what is best for us even though it is not humanly possible to ever know what is best for another person, that being something that is within their own heart.We realize we need to try and tell you who we are, but that you already have your own ideas of who we are, and can’t see past your own views. We grow older. We are almost young adults. And now we realize you are having a lot of mini-panic attacks. We know you want us to work harder, get into college and do something grand with our lives.We realize that you want things for us that hurt us, but you want them for us because you think they are good. You would not intentionally hurt us, but it is hard for you to realize that the children you raised since birth, and for mothers, had this intimate bond with even before the birth, are able to face the world. Sometimes we will get hurt. We might make a really bad decision on which college to go to and end up regretting the fact that we have to wear really terrible uniforms on the volleyball team. We need to make these mistakes though and we need to make them loud and boldly, by ourselves.We need this odd form of self-empowerment and self-evaluation to grow as a human being, and to realize we are broke and need to burrow your money. We need to sit and understand that life is not easy but it is beautiful and it is beautiful because its not easy but is worth it. We need to find out inner peace but finding what each section is missing from our puzzle, piece by piece. We need to make choices… And then make better ones then even you could not have in-visioned because those bad choices opened something up inside of us.We need to avoid your phone calls as we sit at college so that we can realize how much easier it was when we had you, how much we miss you, how vast and endless our love for you really is. Then we graduate college and we go and start families of our own. We start a life that is nothing like you in-visioned for us and hope that you are still proud of us because we made something we wanted . All of your time you dedicated to us was making us. Literally since the beginning through you bond, you created us. Then you made us … You read to us, you fed us, you paid for us to sit in really cold classrooms with distracting whiteboard marker colors. You did this all for us… And we are grown up now, and we realize how much of you , you have sacrificed for us. And we know we could never repay you,and that somehow that is just how it works. We know there is nothing for us to do but be who we are, the person you didn’t think we would be. Our lives, separate from yours, and then if that is the life we choose, we become parents ourselves.We go through it all, and we try to do it either as close to how you did or as far away from how you did it as we can. And we cry… We cry a little because we know that now we are partaking in something that you did for us, and we realize even more how hard it was for you. And then we cry some more because we realize how much we are messing up and how our own children will make us feel forgotten at times, and how we never wanna let go yet we remember how clingy you were and hopefully if we are one of the rare wise type of parents, we give our children the space they need to bloom into their own unique selves.And we cry because– we see you crying–because what once was is now –fading–fading–fading, and the hardest part is we only seem to love you even more with time, and understand more and more about the sacrifices you made for us and the love of living and breathing each day.

Mom and Dad: We do know. We do love you. We do want to somehow repay you for all you  have done for us. We want to hug you and take away any pain we have caused you. We want to see you smile. We want to know that you are happy. And we want to be happy to.

Sincerly, your kids.

 

Please let me know your feelings and thoughts in the comments below.

Thank you

-Wishing you the brightest of days, Eva

” Me and the pen, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”