Posted in life, Poems, thoughts

Stolen Identity

Despairingly, I spoke of your despairing disparity

of ten years lost in translation

of playing hide and seek with your past


all of this is

a winter slowly dying

a woman still questioning

if her heart has been fooled ;


stealing stolen identies

to steal away the pain

of losing who you once were before

identity stolen





to lose



to love.

-Eva M.M.

Thanks as always for stopping by and for your continual love and support of my writing.

” Me and the pen, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”


Posted in books, life, thoughts

Top 5 books of 2017

This year as always I wanted to list my top 5 favorite books I read this past year. I apologise for being a little late on this post but I wanted to think a lot about which books meant the most to me and why. After much reflection my list, which I tried to out in order but is not entirely a reflection of the order they fall in within my heart, stands as lsited here.

1. The Brother’s Karamatzov – Fyodor Dostoevsky

2. Anna Karenina- Leo Tolstoy

3.  A death in the Family- James Agee

4.1984 – George Orwell

5. Angle of Repose – Wallace Stegner
Thank you for reading my little list and letting me know if you have read any of these wonders or any book recommendations for me based off of these books.

– Eva M.M.

Posted in books, life, thoughts

Books I read: 2017

Another year of writing, reading and change has come to an end here on 1withthepen and per usual I wanted to list here the books I have read this year. Taking this time to reflect on how all of these books, both similar and vastly different in many ways have come to influence my thoughts, my life and my writing. Since 2015 when I started 1withthepen till now almost 2.5 years later a lot has changed. However, my love of books has remained the same and these 35 books I read during 2017, at least the ones I remembered to keep track of, as well as everything else not listed here, have helped bring me through another wonderful year. So goodbye 2017 and welcome 2018. May this year be as much of a blessing as the last and be filled with many more wonderful books.

For those of you new to these posts, I simply list the books I read this year in no particular order and love hearing your feedback,questions and comments on the books.

I have also inserted a direct link to my year in books on Goodreads.

  1. Apology for Raymond Sebond  – Montaigne
  2. The Girl on the Train –  Paula Hawkins
  3. The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying – Sogyal Rinpoche
  4. Before I wake -Robert J. Wiersema
  5. Going Bovine- Libby Bray
  6.  Hamlet – Shakespeare
  7. A History of God- Karen Armstrong
  8. A Death Struck Year- Makiia Lucier
  9. Infinite Jest – David Foster Wallace
  10. A Death in the Family – James Agee
  11. Discourse on Methods and Meditations- Rene Descartes
  12.  A Thousand Mornings- Mary Oliver
  13. Reason in History – Hegel
  14. In the Woods- Tana French
  15. Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
  16. The Fall- Albert Camus
  17. The Stranger- Albert Camus
  18. The Brothers Karamazov- Fyodor Dostoevsky
  19. Trains and Lovers- Alexander McCall Smith
  20. The Death List- Paul Johnston
  21.  1984- George Orwell
  22. Thirteen Reasons Why- Jay Asher
  23. The Irresistible Blueberry Bakeshop & Cafe- Mary Simses
  24. Glitter-Aprilynne Pike
  25. Your Heart is a Muscle the Size of a Fist-Sunil Yapa
  26. The Haj- Leon Uris
  27. The Charterhouse of Parma- Stendhal
  28. Dracula-Bram Stoker
  29. Angle of Repose-Wallace Stegner
  30. The Joy Luck Club-Amy Tan
  31. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking- Susan Cain
  32. Born Round: The Secret History of a Full Time Eater- Frank Bruni
  33. The Sexual Revolution: Pioneer Writings on Sex- Krafft-Ebing
  34. Shattered Innocence- Robert Scott
  35. The Red Pony- John Steinbeck

So those are all the books I read this past year. Let me know which numbers you have read and have a Happy New Year.

-Eva M.Monhaut


Posted in life, Poems, thoughts


This time of year the snow men sneak out

and manifest themselves as smiling gentlemen clothed in white.

This time of year everything becomes frosted

with the chill of winter, the silence of huddled and rare warmth.

This time of year


migrate to my bed

and pull the covers up over my eyes

to hibernate until the frigidness passes…

This time this year– I am finally learning the meaning of the word Winter;


You don’t know what cold is until it is all that you are.

-Eva M.M.


I think winter is finally settling in where I am at least and so I thought it appropriate to share this poem with you. Also, I have been going through a rough patch lately and of course the whether reflects that for me in a very concrete way.Despite that and the fact I have never been a winter person. I am going to stay all bundled up reading now that I am almost done with finals. I hope you all stay warm and enjoy some good books ( and 1withthepen!) If you are new here I always welcome questions,comments and feedback. Love you all my little ink angels. BYE!

” Me and the pen, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”


Posted in life, philiosophy, Poems, thoughts

Ma mère ( with audio)

You braved the world

and lost it

You loved your life

and watched it


fade from view

blurred glass

and foggy hearts

and, after all, that cord was severed eighteen years ago.

Nothing comes as a surprise to me anymore.

You will live for you

and I will live




feel I never had much of a choice

except to love you

for everything I





I am watching it,

loving life

and losing myself

in this brave new world.

-Eva M.M.


Background music in Audio: Sky Dancing: Patrick Watson

Audio Link to listen to my reading: My reading

” The pen and I, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”








Posted in life, Poems, thoughts, Uncategorized

Rag doll ( The poem version) With audio link.

Ragdoll ( The Poem)

Flies buzz around the curdled milk

and I am still cradling my head against my chest,

curled up in a ball

on the stained, eight toned carpet

across from your angry eyes.
Last night was worse:

Your hands against my flank,

digging in and dragging through,

channels that branded me yours.

And your vulgar vulture breath

against the back of my spine

sent shudders slithering through.
Curl deeper,

little rag doll,

bow your head and scream.
Breath slowly,

tattered rag doll,

and maybe you won’t die.
At the end of the day

a rag doll



– Eva M.M.

Posted in life, Poems, thoughts


This silence is deathly,

the chasm between you and I

seems to be ever growing…

your silence is smothering me

and my words lay flat on the page

forgotten by your eyes.

Forgotten by your heart?




once brave and bold flower




Yet towards you 

still remains


-Eva M.M.

Posted in book review, books, life, philiosophy, thoughts

Book Review: “Quiet:The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.” By: Susan Cain

” You need to get out more.”

“Quit being so antisocial!”

“Why do you hate people so much?”

I have heard it all as a introvert surrounded by a world that embraces extrovertism. Words that came from the mouths of friends, family,teachers,co-workers and yes even other introverts. As a whole, we encourage and reward outgoing,socially dynamic and take things by the horns people. Even I admire those characteristics in others but the battle I used to have against what society was telling me I should be and what I always felt I was has come to a standstill. In the last five years of my life I learned that there was a word for who I was, an introvert. Since then I have learned to embrace my introvert ism and have learned that I am not alone out there. In fact, half of the worlds population are introverts. That may surprise a lot of you because introverts rarely get center stage and after all, is that what we really want?


All we want and all about us is beautiful explained in Susan Cain’s book. I think she can explain it all ten times more eloquently than I can so you all should pick up a copy and read it for yourself. Yes, all of you, introvert, extrovert, mother,father…whatever you are..because it is not just an introvert empowerment book, but also a good outline everybody. It shows us how we ought to deal with our school setups, office layouts, children, ourselves, anxiety… in order that we not only function at our best but so do our children, out family’s unit, classrooms thrive, and business blossom. I may sound cliche but it really has been disregarded in our modern day society that everybody has something different to bring to the table.  We simply forget that some people would rather write it down than march in front of a group of business men with our ideas. For some, we simply operate better under more isolated and quiet conditions and others need the openness and activeness of others to bounce their ideas off of one another.

I think that Cain offers us all a chance to take a closer look at our identities and our world. I can only dream of a world where people truly understand what it means to be introverted. And an added bonus would be the efficiency and more depth to our society, which the more I reflect on it seems to be shallower day by day.

In her book Cain shares this quote with us

Our culture made virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a center. So we lost out center and have to find it again.

-Anais Nin

As a reflective and hopeful introvert, especially after reading such a wonderfully stated book, I believe we can as a whole find that center again. While individually one can always pursue this within in the world of extrovertism, outwardly our culture does not look for its center. Perhaps, if we learned to embrace these two vastly different ways of being in the world, than we could find a core, a center solid enough too withstand even the greatest of cultural disasters.

-Eva M.M.

Thank you for reading and stopping by and have a wonderful, chilly, end of fall day.