Posted in life, Poems, thoughts


I wanted to be your little godess

so I tore off my skin

and bore holes in my bones

building portals to better world


where I dared to escape

from your arms ,

branches that grew

around my birch bark breaths,

raspy from the effort of being

something I had grown to loathe.


I wanted to be your entire world

so I melted my heart

and crusified my soul,

bearing the weight

of toxic words and stained palms
that curl and uncurl

in the heat of your acidity

against my tarnished cellophane,

restless from the intensity

of gutting myself for a stone.

-Eva M.M.

Thanks for stopping by and checking what 1withthepen is all about. Glad to hear from newcomers and regulars as always

“Me and the pen, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”

Posted in life, thoughts

Learning Swedish ( Svenska)

Okay before anybody sets their hope high for me. Yes I am learning Swedish in addition to French but no it isn’t that serious because I am learning it on my own time with the help of a  wonderful app Doulingo which you should all download . It has just about every language you could want to learn on there. In addition I am going to see if I can purchase a book online with a more outlined version of the grammer so I can attempt to learn it. As I am doing with French I am going to see if I can integrate it into my everyday routine by changing settings on some of my things to temporarily use Swedish. For now though it is a slow process but I wanted something to learn outside of school that would keep my mind fresh. Since I already had the app to help with my French I thought why not try another language. So to anybody out there who speaks Swedish or is from Sweden if you have any suggestions or help I am all ears.

Tack snälla och hej dä.

– Eva M.M.

Posted in letters, life, Poems

Reduced ( to My Bookworm)

Reduced to discreet poetic titles as my means of telling you I miss keeping you awake talking about Dostoevsky and damn ereaders. I mean who wants to feel fake when they are reading things so real ? I forgive you though because you are handsome and your mind keeps luring me into the belief that I am somewhat angelic. Honestly, have you still not perceived I’m kind of a mess. My mind is like the coils of cords under your desk that you feverishly unwind in the dim light of your reading lamp… That is if you used a fucking reading lamp instead of an ereader. I digress, I was saying I kind of miss your facial hair… All of them really. I get so lonely thinking that you just might be reading your way into enternity without me, forever stretching on apart from your pale arms. I used logic or I tried to though it is probably really flawed. I thought you might be moved now; Moving across the world but still so far from mine because I saw that somebody in Saudi Arabia was reading my post and if it wasn’t you, cheers to whoever it was because as a writer I live on knowing eyes see what I see,but if it was you then my heart will be forever illuminated because I know I got my message across to you. Day three,or something like that I told you in a similar rant technology hates me but I am innovative. And fuck it I won’t let some shaky internet connection keep me from telling you to get rid of your ereader. If you get this message you have to let me know somehow because I have become the woman who has reduced herself to using obscure poetic titles to not so discreetly tell you that I’m short and I will need you here to get a lot of books off the top shelf for me. 


Your bookworm.

-Eva M.M.

Posted in fragments, letters, life, Poems, thoughts, travel

The man with the red boots.

Remember when we talked about Romeo and Juliet ?

You said , ” Hopefully our story ends better than theirs.”

I say, ” If it’s going to end then I don’t care how it ends. ”

The truth is, they are overrated. I would want us to be remembered as something better.

Tell me what you think of these :

Bone and bone.

Blood and blood.

 You were the water

but I was the flood.

The ignorant American and the bilingual Irishman.

Fuck it, this list sucks,

the rosy cheecked girl

and the man with the red boots.

– Eva M.M.

” The pen and I, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”

Thanks for stopping by in addition I had a question for you though I would also love to still hear from you about this poem. I was wondering if anybody would be interested in a Q & A type post. If so let me know below or on any of my posts with any questions you have for me. Anything is fair game and if it seems enough people are interested I will consider tossing together a small Q and A post. Thanks.

Posted in life, philiosophy, thoughts

America needs more PDA.

Before anybody gets mad or disgusted I want to clarify that yes I do mean people should make out and kiss in public. I do, however, want to make it clear that there are different levels of PDA some of which I would agree ought to be saved for  “Get a room!” situations. In general though, I stand firmly with the title of this post : America needs more public displays of affection (PDA).

I grew up in a smaller town near South Bend, Indiana. While the whole growing up thing seems ages ago in reality it was only yesterday that I was beginning to formulate my views on love and the world. The point of this post, however, is not to exsplain to you how my views on the world were shaped but rather to use my views to exsplain what I see as a problem with American culture. My apologies if I am un-American for saying these things. Sorry not sorry. I digress… I was saying I grew up in a relatively small community far from the big city life or the vibes of young love on the loose. I probably did not process what I did see of romantic love realtionships very well but I definitely unconsciously absorbed it. I can’t recall much from my childhood but off the top of my head I can’t even remember ever seeing my parents kiss. When they got divorced I was eight. It would be a lie to say that their divorce did not influence and impact my perceptions of love.  I don’t think I saw much affection dispalyed in my life till I was around nine and ten, living in a bigger place, my mother having moved to the Twin Cities. This is not to say people were lounging around tongues tied but for one I was submerged in a more densely populated area. We lived near Como Park in St.Paul which is beautiful park. Usually when we were on our bike rides I would see  couples walking, holding hands maybe even kissing. Gasp! Seeing these small displays of affections as a younger child might of struck me as odd or even gross but I do know it also seemed normal to me. People are meant to love others and the idea that we ought to keep that private or concealed to a certain extent is sad.

Let us fast forward to modern day me with my infinite opinions on life, love, society and their interconnections. Let us zoom in on society and the atmosphere of our country and frankly, our world, right now. What words come to mind? I can name a few of mine : fear, hatred, sadness, poverty, greed, control, power hungry and indifference; I could go on and list more as well but I think you get the idea. We are in grim times in some respects and we always have been in other respects. There is always going to be tragedy and evil lurking in our world. I don’t know about you but in a world where it seems all I hear about it the newest news story saturated with hatred or human cruelty, I think seeing a little bit of love displayed in an open, public manner would cheer me up. PDA does not have to be full on make out sessions or even romantic of any nature. You can display affection to your friends with a hug or just leaning up against each-other talking together as if the world could never severe your friendship. I am not saying we all need to go out with a loved one and suddenly show our love for them in a very apparent manner in-front of a large crowd. However, if you do happen to be in public, going for a walk with your friend or partner and feel compelled to show them how much you love them but feel hesitant for whatever reason, Don’t hesitate!

America needs more PDA because is a nation of hate , love can conquer and we need to be reminded of that. Love will always persevere.

America needs more PDA so next time you can’t make it through just Make Out.

– Eva M.M.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your own thoughts with me in the comments. Hope you all have a PDA filled day.

” Me and the pen, we are one. If its ink would cease to flow, my ink would cease to flow.”

Posted in life, philiosophy, thoughts, Uncategorized

I am independently dependent.

With the modern day feminists movement I am told daily by my feminists friends and a few random outspoken feminists that I am a strong, independent woman. Sometimes people tell eachother this as a reminder of perseverance and strength when facing a seemingly daunting life event. I have also heard women counceling  a broken hearted friend after a particularly jarring breakup by saying ,”You didn’t need him anyway you are a strong independent women.” Don’t get me wrong. Women are strong and can be very independent though one’s level of interdependence on others, I  would argue has more to do with personality than gender identification.  Also, I want to emphasize with this post that there is nothing wrong with being dependent on others ‘within bounds.’ We are after all born completely dependent on our parents and caregivers regardless of race, gender or even class etc…etc. I say within bounds though because people have this idea when you say it is okay to be dependent on others that they can be reliant on others. In reality, there is a distinction and if I were to believe that this distinction was clear enough to most people I would not even add the phrase within bounds onto my earlier statement. People, however, do not always perceive those smaller nuisances and that is why I am going to stick with it is okay to be dependent upon others within bounds. I digress though…

I’m one of those people who is openly very dependent. I am one of those people who is openly very independent. Wait! That makes no sense? Let me confuse you more by clarifying. I have always been very independent but like most things with me I don’t like being independent when told to be independent and I don’t like advertised independence. All this talk now a days of being a strong independent women, for example, irritates me. I think truly strong , independent women can only be independent if they realize their independence hinges on being dependent on others. I want to be independent of my parents now. I mean, I’m all grown up. I am off at college. I make my own money. I don’t need you anymore is the unspoken phrase underneath my independence. Yet, for one, I do still need them and my current independence, whatever it’s limits are, is dependent on my past dependence on them. In one way it may seem I can never win. I am trapped. I will forever be indebt to my parents. One could look at it that way and be frustrated and angry or one could just see this as reality and beautiful. Beautiful? Did she just call depending upon ones parents oddly beautiful? Yes! I did!  It is beautiful in life when one steps back and gazes upon all the situations in their life in which they depend upon someone and don’t feel opressing but see it as it is, beautiful, a fruitful unity of trust, love and caring for one another where needed.

So am I a strong independent woman? Am I a young adult independent of my parents?


But I am an independent person and with that comes the ablility to choose who I depend on and who I don’t. I could choose to ditch my friends and walk blindly into the world without their advice. I could choose to disconnect myself from my parents but I would not get far. And sorry if this hits you in the wrong place but for the majority of modern day feminists , I could choose  to claim that men are trying to hold me down and not allow me to be a strong independent woman. I am free to do and to think all of those things. My independence allows me to but none of those thoughts or actions would harbor healthy realtionships, love , trust and in the end would not benefit me or anybody else in my life.

So what am I really trying to get across to you.

I think we should be independently dependent on people. Know who and when and why you are depending on someone. Be strong. Love your life. But realize you don’t have all the answers and chances are you will function and be happier if you lose a little independence sometimes. And if you have to stand up claiming to be so independent chances are your views might me a little askew on independence. I don’t need to vocalize my independence . If other people don’t see it. Screw them. That is their problem not yours. If you let it stop you that is your problem. Just ignore it and be truly independent.

– Eva M.M.

What are your thoughts on independence and this post? Am I on the ball or have I missed he mark? Thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts.

Posted in life, Poems, thoughts

Nude on a Couch

I know I have not done one of my Photographs I love posts in ages but I wanted to do something semi along those lines. Well, not really but it started in that manner. I am way behind on my game here because this was months ago now when I was on the last leg of my high school days and we went on our Art History field trip at the Minneapolis Institute of Art (MIA). As I was roaming through the galleries searching for a piece too write my art analysis on I found a lot of paintings that I ended up free-styling so to speak poems off of, One in particular conjured up a lot of writing and I wanted to share with you both the painting and my writing that just flowed out of looking at the art.

Painting Information:

Title: Nude on a Couch

Artist: Gustave Caillebotte

Media: Oil on Canvas


Links for more info on the artist and painting:

MIA page on this painting

Wiki Art

Gustav website

The art story ( more on the artists and his works)

Los Angeles Times ( More on Gustav’s impact on impressionism)

Wikipedia On Gustav

Art news

Encyclopedia Britannica

Biography of Gustav

Art Smart for Kids

National Gallery of Art

Cleaning of Gustav’s rainy day.

Art Cyclopedia

And there is much more but that out to give you a starting place and from there you can find more on him and his art as well as references to some pretty good book resources.

Now for my free flow that came from this work of art.

Nude on a Couch


in the folds of Mind

she reclines,

nude against the canvas of being.

Her pallet pale and pallid

like the poetry of the melecholic.

She dreams softly

of the joy of lost chaos,

that empty house,

the symphony of her past.


We are but groowing towards wilting,


radiant as we dissolve,


falling feather-like




into a slumber


the faint traces of lilacs and childlike laughter.


-Eva M.M.

I hope you all enjoyed both learning more about this art and the artist as well as my free flow poem. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have floating around about either and I will do my best to answer them to the best of my ability. Thank you and have a wonderful day/night.





Posted in letters, life, Poems, thoughts


We sat.

His eyes,


a vortex

consuming me.

I surrendered

to them.


to be,

to drown

in them…



calming pools;

I tumbled



yet feeling

I had never been


more secure

and free,

on more stable footing

than when

I was floating

and sinking,
















– Eva M.M.

This was actually a very odd work of poetry for me as I was writing in my journal a while back now and this is practically what I wrote word for word about someone in my life and our interactions. Then when I was rereading it, it just seemed very poetic to me like it was a poem in and of itself though it really was just be rambling on about my life. I did add a few words i but mostly all I did was let it rearrange itself in my mind the way it seemed natural to me and then that is what I ran with. Certainly a little clunky at places but I love it for its rawness and of course intimacy to me.

thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts with me in the comments below. Love you all!


Posted in life, The Yoga Diaries, thoughts

The yoga diaries : Three favorite poses.

Hello everybody and welcome.

It has been a while since I did a post in my yoga diaries series and I still have lots of different things I want to share with you. Today, however, I thought I would share with you three of my favorite poses just so you can get to know me better and/or learn at least three, simple poses.

Pose 1 : Happy baby.

Portrait of a happy young child See even babies do yoga. This is basically what the post is. You lay on your back and grab your feet usually from the inside and gently pull your legs apart but don’t force it. It is just meant to feel good and free your body, release tension, not to snap your leg off. I love this pose mainly because I get very tense in my legs and inner thighs especially on days and weeks where I am on my feet a lot for work or school.  It is also a good pose to stretch out your legs bit by bit over time and eventually helps you with the splits.


Pose 2: Airplane pose

download (1).jpg  For me this is one of my feel good, strong, empowerment poses. Really it is a simpler pose but for some reason I always feel free and very in touch with myself when I do this pose. Usually this is integrated into a flow or sequence but you can just be feeling in a flying mood and do the pose. Really when you look at the progression of slowly lowering yourself and sinking deeper into the pose you realize in some ways it does remind one of an airplane taking off. It helps with balance and core but like most things with yoga I think the best benefit is the feeling it gives you and the mental and spiritual release of the pose.

Pose 3: Plow Pose

plough-pose-main Plow is one of those poses you need to be careful about but as intimidating a it looks it is a simple pose in theory. All you do is lay on your back and rock back and forth a little to get some momentum and bring your legs over your head. Now where you need to be careful is in not pushing yourself. For the longest time my legs hovered above my face because I could not get them any further back. You can also bring your knees down on either side of your head. From Plow you can lift the legs and begin a shoulder stand and then eventually with lots of practice and patience someday a head stand. This post is on of my poses that I feel really connected with myself in and aligned. Plus I think it is one of the most beautiful poses out there.


Let me know if you do any of these poses and or your thoughts on them. I also would like to know if there is anything yoga related you have questions on or would like me to maybe post on. ideas? Thanks for stopping by hope to hear from you all soon.

-Eva M.M.